Our story began smoothly with a ‘hai’.
I was writing it.
The first few chapters were heart throbbing.
Words were inspired by him.
Secrets started to spill.
The Chapters started to get filled with passion.
And the story urged with heat.
Fate wrote the lines to destiny.
The destiny I had wished for us.
I was wrong.
I realized the last chapter was already written.
He was already in his “happily ever after”.
He was the author and I was just a pawn.
Dear Diary,
I hope you are well my dear friend. If you may ask the same, I am feeling utmost pleasure at present too. Thinking about whom I should say about what I have felt, there is no one more perfect than you. It’s about my secret admirer. Yes, there is something about him I can’t quite put my hand on but I am pretty sure he had fallen hard for me. On different occasions, he had proven his feelings for me obscuring his actions from others but it has caught my eyes recently. Putting together the pieces of the puzzle, there is no other answer more suitable than what I would say ‘Love’. Heard of the fact that people go miles for Love and turns out it is in fact the truth.
Oh! I forgot to tell you, my school pals decided on a soiree, yes, I am enthralled about meeting them. Enthused about sharing with them the stories about the past years we were separated. But one thing that matters to me is him again. I am sure if this rendezvous we are planning comes into his knowledge, through thick and thin he would try to bring his presence there, for he can have a sight of me. When we were all together in the past, I remember the smile, stare and glances he showered secretly at me, hidden from others.
Only if he knew.
He just couldn’t keep his eyes off me I would say though normally these kinds of doings cause vexation but the truth is I have grown to like the way he looks at me, the warmth of his affection could be felt just from his stare.And I am perplexed by the muse about the wonders his mere touch or his lips could do.
The thought of him excites me yet petrifies me because I still can’t accept the one fact Diary, the one fact that I have fallen for him too.
“For better or for worse”
I paused,
“I am letting you go”.
It was the first time.
The first time I got rejected.
Unexpected, it broke me apart.
It felt like a thousand stones weighing
down my heart.
She said no.
Even though she knew
it was my favourite choclate bar.
Bracing myself, I grasped his hand in fear.
He clasped me tight in his arms, embracing me with love.
The tree in the campus felt more welcoming. Sitting alone I began to play with my feet.
“I don’t care anymore”, I maundered.
“Me too”, a voice replied.
“I don’t care about my looks”.
“Even I don’t”.
“I don’t care about my faults”.
“That too also”.
“I don’t care about my flaws”.
“Ohh yes of course”.
“Excuse me, stop mocking me”, I retorted.
I stopped looking down at my feet and steered my eyes to the voice. He was staring right into my eyes.
“I only care about you, your eyes and your smile. “
I blushed.
Standing in the place where the alley once stood, he reminisced their first kiss. “I miss you”, he etched on a brick in the debris. It’s been 8 years. One night had changed his life. Shattered everything. But the debris remained. He threw the rock and walked away in grief. The rock fell near something that shimmered in the scorching sun. It was a promise ring.
You are my weakness, my love.
We dwell in different bodies.
And our separation petrifies me.
Aches my heart when you are in pain.
Tearing apart making me insane.
Yet I am sane when you’re nigh.
As long as you’re safe, I feel fine.
Our closeness pampers me.
Because my soul resides in you,
yours in mine.
And I realize my strength is you,
my love.
I lacked the sound to voice my thoughts, but the needle of wisdom stitched my thoughts with words to form tales bedecked with aesthetic tapestries.
Loneliness was something everyone gifted me.
The gift which I dreaded the most.
I used to lament a lot.
But it turns out it is a gift not everyone can get.
I discern now it is the path to silence.
And silence is the language of the Souls.
I am ecstatic realising myself after all.
My thoughts became ineluctable.
It started to seem endless.
I lost myself,
in the depths of insanity
and I found comfort in the madness.
The madness that defined only you.
They call me crazy, yes I concur
I concur,
I am crazy in love with you.
“Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better.”
Someone was yelling his throat out. My head was pounding hard from inside. I guess it took a minute or two to come back to my senses. It was so difficult for my eyes to adjust to the light. Every cell of my body was screaming in agony. Things started to exacerbate. It took me a while to figure out what was happening but it was too late. My eyes started to see things or I guess it felt more like a death wish. Lying down the sky was red with blood. Inside the metro, the light was flickering and blurriness covered my eyes.
The yellow fingers of the sun brushed my hair . I could hear the soft bristle of leaves when cold air caressed them. The birds were chirping beautiful tunes and the waves kept kissing the shore. Crabs slowly paced enjoying the pure unmitigated beauty. I turned my face and saw a young girl with her blond hair tied to a pony jingling sideways, smiling. Her nice little sweet voice and her shrieking laughter started ringing inside my ears. I couldn’t make out what she was saying. I tried hard.
But my whole body ached. Along with her, I saw a lady beautiful as the young girl grabbed and tickled her and she said something to the young girl, pointing at me.
She sidled towards me with both her arms apart saying something, this time I tried harder, even though my body restricted me I didn’t care. It was really difficult, that tears streamed from my eyes. Tears of happiness shadowed by pain. And I heard two words”Pa..Pa, I love you”. My heart was pounding harder and I felt like puking. Tears strolled down my cheeks. For a moment I felt satiated. She looked so beautiful and I wanted to grab her with both my arms hug her to the fullest and say those beautiful words to her. I tried to move my lips slowly but they were wet with blood
and numb. I stammered and my voice quavered to say “I ….lo…love….u.too,ho…ney”.
But it was too late.
Fell into an unprecedented peace and it never came out.
After 20 years later on 22/ 7/2014
a pulchritudinous young lady stood in
front of the tomb looking at it bereaved with a palpable feeling of poignance.
She stood for a while with no tears and left by placing a bouquet and a smile appeared on her face.
The tomb said:
In loving memory of
Jacob Smith
Died on 22/7/1994
Aged 33 years
A breeze brushed past her and she heard
‘I love you, honey’.
Nature smiled.
At that moment a regrettable story
found its way out. And the clouds cried.
A rain of love and happiness.
The Sun beamed with ecstasy,
And the clouds roared with tears of joy.
The winds added harmony to nature’s taste.
The trees swayed along with nature’s pace,
and the blooming Earth embellished nature’s face.
The glistening rays met the glinting drops,
A picturesque creation reminding the love from God.
Don’t seek what you don’t have instead see what you still have. Be grateful because you are blessed.
To me, loneliness comes not when I am alone but when I am in a group of known faces who acts like they are my friends but I am sure they are not when I am not around.
His arms were cold,
but his heart still warm.
The mother truly felt the beats
even though he was still born.
Biblichor 